none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
