I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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