hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
