So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize