Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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