i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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