I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
4 words: hood of his car
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
