i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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