Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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