Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
