my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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