while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
