Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm both gender and math confused
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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