Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
