It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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