Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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