I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
