there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
