I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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