Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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