She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
