I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
