you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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