haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
