Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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