tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
