It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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