apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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