I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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