I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize