mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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