currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
