problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
