At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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