i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
