Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
