why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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