I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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