You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
