This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
