I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
