There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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