Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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