apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
