so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
