don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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