I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
