i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
