Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
