I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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