I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
