Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
