cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
