Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
