just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
