she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
