I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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