Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
