I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
