some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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