Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
