my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
