I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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