He kissed a someone with a penis
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
