smell my finger.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
