i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize