Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
