She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
