We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
