So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
