i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
