alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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