What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You left your phone here
Wait...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
