nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
