Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
