I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
