gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
