I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
